| better as a memory. |
[11 May 2010|03:44pm] |
|
To be honest, I completely forgot about this thing until Caitlin said something. It's funny to go back through and read these. Although I really felt that way at that time, it was so immature and selfish. I just thought I'd try to start using this again. Might be good for me. I guess you could say I've learned to sort of just let everything go. Brush it off.. Some will say that's good. My counselor says that's bad. I feel there are bigger and better things in life to be strssing about other than the girl who thinks I have ugly hair, or the boy who doesnt think I'm pretty enough for him to date, etc. I'd rather worry how an old best friend is doing, or which family member I'm going to help out next, etc. Life is just funny.. and I dont know who decides to throw what at whom, but whoever it is, you're sure good at it. Can't say I've gone a day without learning something new. And I am thankful.
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| I love you Jeffrey Brown. |
[01 Sep 2006|02:58pm] |
A picture of BJ and i after one of my basketball games. I love and miss you babe.
And dont you forget that.
<3 Sarah.
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| Still cant believe you're gone. |
[28 Aug 2006|08:31pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 numb |
] |
It just gets harder to think about.
I cant look at this screen, or the pictures i have saved of our many parties together. I cant even look your mom in the eye without telling her how sorry I am for treating you the way I did. But God knows I am. You've got one of the biggest hearts I've ever known, and I think it's obvious. I went to your house today to hug your mom. Man, was I happy to see her. She seems to be doing pretty ok, but I know it's hard for her. She's trying for you though. Rachel, your mom and your girlfriend were all wearing your jackets. It was one of the most heartbreaking things I've ver seen. Only because I know that's the lsat time i'll see em'. Just like it's the last time I'll come to your house before basketball games only to take a nap and then have you wake me up so i could be there on time. And the last time that we're going to go driving through the snow with Mozey and I in the back of the truck throwing snowballs at cars and pretending we can surf.. Or even the last time I'm going to see you pop your collar. (Polo Club for life!) The last time i'll play KINGS with you, and the last time I'll lay in your comfy bed. But it's ok. Because this is the first time I've seen everyone come together like they have since the last time we all hung out. And it's the first time I've truly understood the meaning of friendship and loving your family. And even the first time i've honestly understood that I take life for granted. Thank you for opening my eyes and my heart to new things. I'll make sure to tell my friends and family everyday how much I love them, and how thankful I am to have them in my life. Because as this weekend has shown me, you never know when you'll get the chance to say it again.
I love you so much buddy, and I could only hope that you're happy where you are.
Our prayers and thoughts are with your family.
R.I.P. Jeffrey Brown.
We love you!
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[01 Jan 2006|02:39pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 annoyed |
] |
two-thousand-six.
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| Dear self- |
[26 Dec 2005|11:52pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 contemplative |
] |
Please promise me these few things..
a)I will never settle for less than I deserve.
b)I wont let him break my heart more than once.
c)and I will never be the girl who puts out because she feels that's what she needs to do to get a boyfriend.
I can write "I hate you" on paper over a thousand times, and I can spend hours telling myself the same thing.
"I been sittin here, can't get you off my mind."
There's a reason I cant get you off my mind..
So there's gotta be a reason I dont hate you.
And I know exactly what it is.
I think you do too.
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| So sick,, |
[23 Dec 2005|12:34am] |
"So Sick"
Ne-Yo
Gotta change my answering machine
Now that I'm alone
Cuz right now it says that we
Can't come to the phone
And I know it makes no sense
Cuz you walked out the door
But it's the only way I hear your voice anymore
(it's ridiculous)
It's been months
And for some reason I just
(can't get over us)
And I'm stronger then this
(enough is enough)
No more walkin round
With my head down
I'm so over being blue
Cryin over you
And I'm so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishing you were still here
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow
So why can't I turn off the radio?
Gotta fix that calender I have
That's marked July 15th
Because since there's no more you
There's no more anniversary
I'm so fed up with my thoughts of you
And your memory
And how every song reminds me
Of what used to be
That's the reason I'm so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishing you were still here
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow
So why can't I turn off the radio?
(Leave me alone)
Leave me alone
(Stupid love songs)
Dont make me think about her smile
Or having my first child
Let it go
Turning off the radio
Cuz I'm so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishing she was still here
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow
So why can't I turn off the radio?
(why can't I turn off the radio?)
Said I'm so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishing she was still here
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow
So why can't I turn off the radio?
(why can't I turn off the radio?)
And I'm so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishin you were still here
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow
Why can't I turn off the radio?
(why can't I turn off the radio?)
Ok, honestly.
You can cheat on me (which you did) and you can tell me stupid things (which you did) and knowing me, I'm perfectly ok with it. I dont like the fact that you get to me. You're only playing this game because you know that you can win. It's that game of.. "I dont like you, but I want you to like me, so Im going to say things that I know will make you stay." It's not fun, and it the end, it's going to hurt us both. I hope this makes you happy.
<3
Sarah
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| No, I'm pretty sure you win. |
[21 Nov 2005|04:32pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
bitchy |
] |
You have absolutely no right to be mad at me for HANGING OUT with your best friend.
Nothing was going on.
No flirting.
Nothing.
It wasn't even just the two of us.
There was a group of us.
And you wanna be mad at me for that?
Haha.
Well then maybe you should've thought about how you were going to feel,
and if you were going to be jelous about me moving on before you cheated.
Asshole.
And then your way of getting back at me is you bring her to a place where you know damn well I'm going to be?
Reeeaaal Mature.
Want a cookie?
Can we please just stop being 4th graders about this?
gah, I swear.
You drive me crazy.
"A good crazy.."
"You cant be mad at him because you love the little things about him, and the little things he does. And believe me, the little things over-rule the big things.. by far."
Off to Vegas until Saturday.
Wish me luck.
<3 to you all, and hoping you have a wonderful week, and a happy thanksgiving.
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| I've finally figured it out. |
[15 Nov 2005|03:16pm] |
After a few weeks of not knowing what to say,
I've finally got it.
We're both being childish.
We're arguing about stupid things,
and trying to convince eachother that we dont like eachother anymore.
We need to stop.
I'm ok with the fact that you and I are just friends.
I really am.
I may still like you, but I'm ok with just friends.
We just need to stop trying to convince ourselves that we're over eachother.
Making any sence?
Last day of tryouts.
Woot-woot.
Hopefully this goes well.
<3.
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| correction... |
[06 Nov 2005|10:18am] |
*Correction..
boys are stupid.
Im sorry.
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| Sweet dude.. |
[05 Nov 2005|06:52pm] |
Oh, how I love Natural Helpers camp.
And I love being a leader at that camp.
Next year shall be quite amazing.
Boys are fags.
Love means dissapointment and failure.
True.
<3 Sarah
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| We're exclusive. |
[18 Oct 2005|06:31am] |
Hmm. Well, yes.
Prettttty good weekend if I do say so myself.
Im pretty much loving it.
Yeah, that's it.
Copeland tickets.
Britney Spears perfume.."fantasy" ( soo good!)
Come back to school!
...and stop being a bad kid.
tee-hee.
<3
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|
[12 Oct 2005|06:03am] |
You're doing exactly what you promised you wouldn't.
I can't even look at you without wanting to punch you in the face for being such a fucking asshole.
You seem to only notice me when I'm mad at you.. and you only notice me then because you dont want me to be mad at you. So you try to make things better by giving me your stupid little smiles, and hand gestures.
Fuck you. I'm not gonna play that game.
...On a better note...
HOMECOMING- 3 days!
BIRTHDAY- 2 days!
School is going good.
Classes are good.
Grades are good.
Friends are good.
Plans for the weekend:
Thursday- Hanging out with Micah all night. (We've got a bet going that I can't keep him awake for 24 hours..so It's on.)
Friday- My birthday! Movie? Seattle? HC football game? Party?
Saturday- gettin ready for HC
Sunday- I know there was something I'm supposed to do, but I dont remember what it is. Lame.
Monday- No plans.
I need to see Kurt-eese, Mozie, and Louis!
<3
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[07 Oct 2005|06:35am] |
|
Homecoming dress 05-06...
I really need to figure things out. I really need to figure everything out..
but isnt that the beauty of life? Not knowing?
<3
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| This is gonna be a long one.. |
[04 Oct 2005|03:58pm] |
|
"Thanks for making my day 10 times better."
"What do you mean? I didn't do anything special."
"You talked to me this morning about absolutely nothing, and it made me smile and forget everything that was making my day bad in the first place."
It's obviously the little things in life that change your outlook on things. I'm glad I could be of help with just a short conversation.
Annnd. I recieved probably the nicest text today. The person I sit next to in spanish wasn't there today, but he sent me a text and it said..
"I just realized I'm missing the best part of my day." Aww. cute.
Hopefully things work out. I'm realllllly hoping they do. That'd be fantastic.
Gahhh. Hope you're all having a wonderful day.
<3
|
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| So lets change today.. |
[22 Sep 2005|07:37pm] |
Well..
I come home today with a note next to a bottle of Captain Mo's..
"Sarah, don't make plans for after school. We need to talk."
The bottle came from my car..and my parents found the bottle.
So now I'm pretty much screwed.
I'm not gonna sit here and say I care, cuz honestly I dont. I have absolutely no emotion about it right now.
I'm not mad or sad or dissapointed in myself. I actually think it's quite funny. I mean, I'm a teenager, and that's what we do. We go to parties and drink, and dont tell our parents. (Especially mine.) Now, just cuz we're teenagers and it's our job to keep secrets doesnt make it right.. but it's understandable.
Gahh. Dont ya just love high school bullshit?
I know I do.
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[20 Sep 2005|06:34am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 confused |
] |
She's not in my life anymore.
For a while.
I have to go to a therapist.
For a while.
I have to think about what he did to me.
All the time.
..Asshole..
I hope you know what you've done to me, fucker.
At least I've got people in my life who care enough to wanna kill him.
Niiice.
I love you guys..
And I <3 Michelle.
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| Expect the unexpected.. |
[17 Sep 2005|06:19pm] |
So things that I promised myself, and other people that I would never do..
I'm slowly falling into doing a lot.
I dont like it.
But I love it.
Help?
<3
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| Twenty Below |
[14 Sep 2005|08:56pm] |
I'm so excited for this weekend..
I'm thinkin.. Michelle and I..plus BATTLETOADS and MAC N CHEESE.
I hope she feels better. =(
Jordan is confusing.
We're together, but it's not working too well.
We're so opposite..
Do opposites attract?
I need help.
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